no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
