Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
