I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
