Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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