Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
3pm strippers are depressing
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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