They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Everclear isn't food dammit
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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