Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
