youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
