A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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