woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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