theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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