hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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