ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
