do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
