My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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