It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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