Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
and you said cock pushups were impossible
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
