our cab driver is having phone sex.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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