my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
