dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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