girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
