oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
