I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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