woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
