I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
