So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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