I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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