do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize