Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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