Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
