i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
