Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
