You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize