exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dicks are not precious.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
