Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
