flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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