I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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