Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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