i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
