WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
