I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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