Don't you send me to vm
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
