once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
