I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
