I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
