Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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