I'm really into asian looking animals
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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