This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
