shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
