No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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