11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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