he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
