I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
