You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
