This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize