Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
