brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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