the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
