You don't have asthma, your pregnant
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
