It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
