dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
