I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
