our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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