I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
