how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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