i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
