I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Never joke about your clitoris.
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